I have this analogy that I use sometimes when I'm trying to describe how I feel. Mainly in moments where there's a lot to be felt. I first came up with it almost exactly one year ago, on the airplane when I was flying from New Zealand to Utah to report at the MTC.
I've heard a person's mood described as water before, calm and reflective or choppy and agitated. But sometimes there's just so many feelings rushing through you, so raw and powerful, that it can only really be described as a waterfall. And at that point, when someone asks you how you feel, you can try to stick a spoon under the waterfall to get a sample, but no matter how far in you put your spoon, when you pull it out all you have is a numb hand and an empty spoon.
I'm thinking about this again, because I've had some waterfall moments this week. As I mentioned, it's been exactly one year since I got home from my mission to Bulgaria. Maybe that's not a big deal for anyone else, but it sure is for me. As I was leaving my mission, I made myself goals for where I'd be in a year's time. I've lost the sheet of paper, but I remember the general feeling. I didn't even know where I'd be in a year! I had no idea what my plans were for that summer, what school I was going to attend, what I was going to study or with whom I'd be spending my time. Now I know. Here's a brief review of my year in pictures.
February I arrived home
April I permanently moved out, visited Germany, checked out Harvard and ended up in Utah
May I moved to California with Danny and started selling pest control
June and July were spent working, exploring, and making lifelong friends
August I made the road trip back by myself (Danny was already on his mission) and flew out to the East Coast for a weeklong backpacking/canoeing trip before school started
September I started classes, ROTC, dating, and everything else that comes with college life
October and November I learned stuff
December I survived my first set of finals and made it back to New Zealand
And after one of the best summers of my life in New Zealand, I'm back at school again, still trying to learn stuff. Also trying to figure out summer plans. More updates on that next week probably. Unless anyone wants to throw some much needed advice in the comments? Jump School at the Air Force Academy or a Russian study abroad program in Kyrgyzstan? Work and study in Utah or go home to New Zealand? They're all too good to be true.
Maybe I don't have a good answer to how I feel now. But knowing that I thought the same thing throughout this year, and now look back with nothing but gratitude I can give a resounding amen to Trace Adkins...
"You're gonna miss this. You're gonna want this back.
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.
These are the good times, so take a good look around.
You may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."
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